he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
why do cheetos always look like penises
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
