I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
