I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize