I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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