Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
