I want to make a zoo with you.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
