I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
