My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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