Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
