If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize