Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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