it hurts more in the daytime
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
