...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
