PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
