Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
