I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
