Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
