I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
