if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
