I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize