omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
