her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I love having hate sex.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
