Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
