I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
