Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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