On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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