I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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