i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
