***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
