Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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