I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize