Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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