Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
