i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
