I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize