That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
