She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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