If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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