I've blown a few things in my day
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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