I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize