My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
