You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
