I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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