I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize