You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Text me some of your sweat
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