Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize