The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
