I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
