i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
