you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i dont even know how to be here
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
