party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
