two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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