like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
