So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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