Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
