Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
