dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
