I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
