Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
