I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
