I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
