Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
