We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
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