nut hugger
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize