i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Come on in and take your pants off
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
