There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I touched a dick in church today
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
