We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
