Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
