I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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