but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
