u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
