Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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