hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
