I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize