Tell her she can't have a vagina
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
