i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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