is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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