Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
