I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he puts the penis in happiness.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
