fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
someone owes me an orgasm
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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