I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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