He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
