the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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