I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
