my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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