remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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