U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
