I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
