he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
