the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He shit in the fireplace
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
