Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize