your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
wrigley field is MILF paradise
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
