This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
