What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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