I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
