Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
