I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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