I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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