he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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