lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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