He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
