Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
