fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
