He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize