i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The power of my boobs compel you
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
