R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
