he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
